May we meet again my love
by Lycka
Summary: Lexa is always dreaming about blues eyes and blond hair. Costia have dark eyes and dark hair. Why is she haunted by this woman? Who is she? * Clexa, Lexa/Costia *
1. Death

**Title :** May we meet again **  
** **Rating :** M **  
** **Pairing:** Clexa, Lexa/Costia **  
** **Disclaimer :** I owe nothing! This story is a succession of drabbles about Clarke and Lexa (with Costia in the picture but not for long ;) )

* * *

 **Chapter one: Death**

*'*

" _May we meet again"_

Clarke's lips kisses hers one last time and she feels her last drop of strength fly away quickly.

For how long has she been Commander? Her memory is blurred now. After all of this, it doesn't really matter anymore.

Her body is shaking like a leaf but it calms down more and more.

Clarke's crying face is pictured in her mind. She wants to remember her differently but she can't blame her because she's feeling bad.

She cried over Costia for years, after all. But she doesn't want to hold back Clarke for too long. She doesn't want her to withdraw herself to live for her memory.

Because life isn't worth it if we only survive, isn't it?

Clarke's hands on hers and in her hair becomes more and more like a fuzzy sensation.

Lexa can feel her tears dropping one last time and the taste of blood in her mouth is less and less strong.

Her eyes shut and Lexa let death take her.

Costia's face comes back in her mind. Is she going to see her again?

" _Lexa..."_

A distant sound reaches her ears. This voice...

She opens her eyes and she's here. Happy.

" _You're finally waking up..."_

Lexa smiles.

She straightens up in the bed and leans towards Costia. She kisses her and she feels relaxed.

What was she dreaming about?

* * *

 **So, it's nothing pretentious but I hoped it was not that bad anyway :)**

 **Hope to see you all the next chapter! :)**


	2. Something's not quite right

**Something's not quite right**

*'*

Lexa is rotating her spoon in her mug for five minutes now.

Something is missing.

She doesn't feel like this life is good for her.

And yet Costia gives her the most beautiful smile she has. She replies with a little smirk but the strange sensation doesn't go away.

Something is not running smoothly. She's out of place.

Something is definitively missing even with Costia by her side.

Sometimes she's searching for someone. She's searching for blue eyes and she doesn't understand.

Why is it haunting her ? To whom do they belong ?

Costia's eyes are as dark as the night and that's why she likes them so much and makes her speechless.

She gets out of her bubble when a warm hand takes place on her shoulder and lips kisses her cheek.

She turns to Costia and leans her head against her lover's chest. Because that's what she is, isn't she ?

Costia doesn't seem to notice her confusion and leaves their apartment without looking back.

She stays a few moments in her thoughts before going to the bathroom.

She opens the cupboard, takes her medicine box and looks at it for a long time.

The infinity emblem carved in the box makes her uncomfortable but a part of her is just asking to take the pill.

She lets one fall on her hand and she is immediately more relaxed.

She puts it in her mouth and swallows it. Every parasitic thoughts are gone and she doesn't think about these captivating blue eyes she always dreamed of.

* * *

 **Thank you everyone for reading this story and for the feedbacks!**

 **I hope you're still enjoying it :)**

 **Seeyou next sunday!**


	3. Who are you?

Who are you ?

*'*

 _"Clarke…"_

The name escapes her lips and she feels Costia getting away from her, a hurt look on her face.

Lexa wonders who is Clarke.

Who is this woman who makes her heart jumps in her chest as if it was going to be pulled out of her body?

She searches and searches inside her mind but nothing.

 _"Lexa..."_

She turns her head but it's not Costia who walled her. Her lover is still withdrawn, still showing her back to her.

 _"Who is Clarke?"_

Costia's voice slaps the silence and Lexa wants to give her an answer. But her mouth just opens and closes tirelessly.

She doesn't know what to say.

Is there a good answer?

 _"I don't know."_ It's the most honest answer.

Costia faces her now. Her expression is unreadable but her eyes are abnormally shining and Lexa knows tears want to get out.

 _"I love you, Costia..."_

Lexa strokes her cheek, she doesn't dare to do anything else. She's afraid her lover will reject her and the idea is unbearable.

Costia lets her do so and little by little she comes closer to her and she finally puts her lips on hers, dull of desire.

She deepens the kiss and tilts Costia on her back and her mouth goes to her neck, her breast, her stomach.

She is getting more and more down and the sighs she hears incite her to go further.

In her head, a fall of blond hair and soft white skin appears in her mind and her nails digs in the smooth flesh. She hits every sweet spots she remembers until she hears the liberating sound which makes her stop.

Lexa doesn't understand why she's disappointed when she opens her eyes and sees the dark skin and dark eyes of Costia.

She forces a smile and lies down next to her lover who falls asleep fast in her arm.

This night, Lexa can't sleep and when Morpheus' arms finally welcome her, she pictures golden hair, eyes like the ocean and the sweetest smile.

And one name.

 _"Clarke..."_

* * *

 **Hope you still like it :)**

 **See you next week ^^**


	4. I will find you

**I will find you**

*'*

Lexa takes her pill and relaxes.

She dresses up, her mind clear of parasitic thoughts. 

She takes her bag, opens the door and she's feeling confident again.

It's been days since she was able to get out and now she's ready to face the outside world.

She didn't tell Costia. She wants to surprise her.

After all, she's there for her since the beginning and Lexa isn't always easy.

Her crisis are sometimes violent. Her nightmares makes her scream in the middle of the night and she always end by hurting herself at some point.

And one day, Costia arrived with medicine and everything was perfect again. But her neurosis takes over her occasionally.

But today is fine.

The sun nicely caresses her tanned skin. A light breeze blows.

A perfect day. She doesn't remember hearing rain here.

What is this city, yet ?

Anxiety grows inside her. She doesn't remember neither the name nor living here.

Where was she before coming here ? How did she meet Costia ?

Why is she picturing a city in ruin, a dense forest, this familiar yet unknown silhouette ?

Why is she not looking at her ?

Lexa knows this person is not from here. Her clothes are strange and dirty, covered in blood.

The silhouette turns to her and Lexa stops.

Her eyes...

 _"Lexa!"_

She knows she's calling her but she seems so distant. And yet, she's just across the street, she just have to cross over and she will be with her.

A name comes to her mind.

 _"Clarke..."_

The young blond woman smiles, obviously moved. The attitude of the people around her is changing. They look at her more and more, pushing her.

Lexa watches her cross the street and come to her.

Face to face, the blond strokes her face softly.

The woman looks panicked all of a sudden and looks around her.

A group of people are dangerously coming closer and she turns to Lexa.

 _"I will find you. I promise you. I will find you..."_

The stranger leans to her and kisses her quickly on the mouth and starts running.

Lexa stays in the sun.

She starts to remember.


	5. Whatever it costs

**Whatever it costs**

*'*

Costia takes care to give Lexa her pill and lets her go to sleep.

The day did not turned as expected.

Her lover should have stayed at their apartment. After all, its her role to make sure she is protected from her former life which hurts her too much.

She kisses Lexa's forehead and gets out of the room, closing softly the door behind her.

She sits down on her armchair and she is not shocked to see a silhouette next to her.

" _Something unexpected happened today"_

Costia looks up to her. She has nothing to say. Her guest already knows everything.

" _Losing Lexa is not possible. We need to keep her safe. Another fault of this kind will not be tolerated."_

She tries to stay proud but fear makes her heart beat faster.

After all, if she is there, it is to share her life with Lexa again. Whatever it costs.

" _I am very pleased to see everything is clear."_

The inhuman voice of her interlocutor always has the annoying knack of making her so nervous.

" _If Clarke Griffin comes anywhere close to Lexa again, you know what to do."_

The woman looks at her, her gaze still empty, waiting for some kind of understanding.

She knows very well how Costia feels. She should not need her approval but some people need to hear aloud what they have to do. It makes things more real and inevitable.

" _I'm ready to stop her no matter what happens."_

Costia feels the woman in front of her needs more.

" _I'm ready to kill her if I have to."_

She sees the inexpressive smile on the woman's face and she feels strangely relieved.

" _Very well. Good Night, Costia."_

" _To you too, Alie."_

But the hologram is already gone.

Costia sinks a little more into the armchair. The life in "The City of Light" is finally less simple than planned.

* * *

 **Costia wasn't all that nice after all...**

 **Again, a big thank you to everyone that reads this story and a biggest thanks to the comments! It really makes me happy and want to continue writing :)**

 **See you next week!**


	6. Back

**Back**

*'*

" _I need to go back there as soon as possible!"_

Abigail Griffin doesn't say anything to her daughter. She is too worried.

Clarke is so pale it brings out the circles under her eyes and she seems exhausted.

" _Clarke, your body can't..."_

" _Lexa needs me! She..."_

Clarke collapses on a chair, coughing noisily.

She looks at her hands and some blood is there.

" _Your body can't take it much longer!"_

Clarke tries to keep eye contact with her mother the best she can.

She doesn't care about her body.

It's not important.

" _Lexa is more important."_

She lets herself fall in the chair, feeling very weak.

" _She seemed... So empty..."_

Clarke remembers the look of incomprehension and fear Lexa gave her. As if Lexa didn't remember who she is.

" _As if I was wiped out of her mind..."_

Her hearts hurts once more before she passes out, her body too tired by her repeated journeys to find Lexa.

Abigail wraps her daughter with a blanket, trying to not let her anxiety to take over her. It becomes harder to see her like this. She's dying slowly.

The door opens and Marcus Kane enters the room, his eyes wondering if Clarke is okay, sleeping like this in the chair.

" _I just can't Marcus... I can't see my daughter killing herself like this..."_

A small tear runs down her cheek until a hand stops it. The contact makes her feel great, more than she wanted.

" _You know she will do what she wants even if it's dangerous. You being there is why she is still alive."_

The doctor keeps composure and sits down behind her screen.

Next trip is tomorrow.


	7. Gone

Gone

*'*

She spits out the pills as soon as Costia leaves the room and she gets out of bed when she hears Clarke's name.

" _I'm ready to stop her no matter what happens."_

Lexa's heart stops. Hearing Costia like this, telling those terrible words, it doesn't sound like her.

" _I'm ready to kill her if I have to."_

Her guts are torn but she keeps her composure.

A memory of golden hair, blue eyes and smiles.

Clarke.

Costia is ready to kill her but Lexa can't let her.

She really loved Costia. Her black eyes, black hair, warm laugh.

She mourned her.

She moved on.

" _Lexa?"_

Costia's questioning look makes her heart pinched.

" _What are you doing here? Go back to bed, sweetheart."_

For several seconds, Lexa doesn't move before walking towards Costia.

Understanding crosses through the eyes of her former lover.

" _You remember, don't you?"_

She answers by a nod.

" _I can't win, can I?"_

Costia's voice is broken, a bitter smile on her lips and tears are threatning to run down her cheeks.

Lexa doesn't bat an eye when Costia throws the table down, screams her pain and breaks anything she could.

Lexa goes to the door, she can't face these torrent of emotions which makes her want to stay by Costia's side.

" _I will kill her if I have to, you know that, don't you?"_

Lexa turns her head slowly, a cold aura of anger around her.

" _You can try. You know how I can react."_

" _I love you, Lexa!"_

" _I loved you, once."_

She opens the door and leaves.

Costia burst into tears.

* * *

 **Bye Bye Costia! Don't hate her, she's just a poor soul who was in love in an unhealthy way.**

 **And like this, Lexa will just be for Clarke :3**

 **See you next week!**


	8. Out of sight

Out of sight

*'*

Alie closes the communication.

If she could feel emotions, it would be anger or frustration.

Lexa is missing.

Of course, she can find her quickly but it will takes some time nonetheless.

A time that Clarke Griffin could take to her advantage.

And destroying everything she built to ashes.

Humans are more complicated than she thought.

They rush headlong without laking time to understand.

She has a mission. She will fulfill it at all costs.

Even if she has to sacrifice some of them.

*'*

Something has changed.

They give her less and less attention.

No. They don't even see her anymore.

Their looks are empty, absent.

They're looking for something.

Or someone.

Could it be...

Does Lexa start moving ?

Does she remember ?

A new energy rushed into Clarke.

Strong. Unwavering.

So much so that she doesn't feel that the thread that keeps her alive is getting thinner and thinner.

Lexa is more important.

*'*

 _"Clarke! CLARKE!"_

The monotonous sound of the machine is unbearable.

Clarke's boby is giving up.

She tries to restart her heart but it doesn't work.

So she tries and tries again. Until the machine is bipping again.

Abigail Griffin falls on the ground, once she is sure her ray of sunshine is out of danger.

She will kill her one day.

It's all her fault. She shouldn't have said yes to help her.

She tilts her head just to see how thin Clarke is.

She is so pale.

She's going to lose her.

She knows she has to take a decision.

But she can't let her daughter die.


	9. Hiding

Hiding

*'*

Lexa doesn't know how long she can hide like this.

She has no weapon, in a city where everybody wants to bring her back to Costia.

She shivers at the idea.

She knows she will have to swallows the pills again. Maybe it will be stronger this time. If Alie still wants her alive.

She picks up a metal bar which is dragging on the floor of a deserted alley.

She doesn't remember being a fighter but her body is ready to attack at the first abnormal thing she will sense.

Her body tenses and she tries to hit the person that appeared behind her.

 _"Clarke...?"_

 _"Lexa! Do you... Do you remember ?"_

Lexa intensely looks at the young woman that haunted her for months.

Her hair, her eyes, her lips, her voice.

She comes closer to Clarke, leans and kisses her.

Finally.

She has seeked for this moment for so long. Once that Costia never could have give her.

They embrce each other but Clarke pulls away.

 _"Later. We have to move. Now."_

 _"What's going on, Clarke ?"_

 _"I will tell you everything. We have to move."_

 _"How do you want me to help if I don't even know what I can do ?"_

So Clarke explains her everything. Since her death. All the danger she has faced. For her. To save her.

Suddenly, she stops.

Something's wrong.

"Clarke...?"

Lexa can't say anything.

The love of her life disapears right in front of her.

She is alone.

She feels empty.

* * *

 **Hope you all liked it :)**

 **See you!**


	10. Good Bye

Good Bye

*'*

Clarke feels her body woken up and she swallows some air and it burns her lungs.

Her eyes are wide open, full of questions.

Sha was with Lexa a few seconds ago. She was finally where she wanted to be : by Lexa's side.

 _"Clarke? Are you okay?"_

Her mother comes closer and takes her in her arms but Clarke doesn't respond.

She is tired.

She is cold.

All she wants is to be with Lexa again.

 _"Why...?"_

Her voice is weak and gravelly.

She stands up slowly.

Her body is heavy and it is difficult to take back the control after her little escapade.

 _"Everything is okay now."_

Clarke growls. No, Lexa is not here. Everything is not okay.

 _"I had to. You... You were going to die, Clarke. Your body... It can't take it anymore..."_

 _"I have to go back..."_

 _"Clarke, you don't..."_

 _"I have to go back. I have to stop Alie and take Lexa back !"_

The adrenaline is rushing in her again and she prepares herself to go back to the City of Light.

 _"Clarke! You can't ! I can't let you die like this ! You can't take her back ! Please, listen to me, please !"_

 _"I'm sorry, Mom..."_

Her voice broke. Tears wet her eyes but she can't be distracted. She sees her mother's body falling to the ground, unconscious.

She drops the needle and lies back.

 _"If it has to end, I want to be with her..."_

She closes her eyes and she feels like being carried away.

There will be no return.

* * *

 **I'm so sorry I'm a monster XD**

 **I wrote this fic 3 years ago and I forgot it was actually quite dark and depressing.**

 **I hope you still enjoyed it nonetheless!**

 **See you next week :)**


	11. Close

Close

*'*

Jaha notices that Alie is missing once again.

She is always here but her eyes seem emptier than usual.

For some time now, it isn't unsual to see her like this. Since Lexa has escaped.

At times like this, he really realizes that he isn't human. She stays cold. No anger or annoyance.

She's just looking for her. And looking for Clarke.

 _"Jaha."_

To hear her voice again makes him jump in surprise.

 _"The end is near."_

She turns to him. Her expression is still, her voice still monotonic.

 _"But I don't know what to think now."_

She doesn't blink as she speaks. She doesn't seem disturb. She is just stating a fact.

A fact that reminds Jaha too much of how his fight might have been useless.

And that he is terrified to die without saving his people.

*'*

Clarke is in the virtual world once again.

It's different somehow. Her mind is more conscious about what is happening here, now.

She understands that her body is dying, giving her more strength here.

Her attention is quickly focused on her goal.

She has to find the heart of the "City of Light" and stop it. Her family and friends will finally be safe.

And she will finally be with Lexa. Even if it's just for a few minutes.

She starts running. She has to find her. She can't do it without her.

But Lexa is nowhere.

Suddenly, a quetion hits her mind.

She knows her presence here is expected.

The streets are empty.

Where are the people ?

She has her answer when she feels hands gripping her hair and dragging her back.

Other hands are holding her down.

She screams in anger.

It can't end like this.

All this way just for that ?

To not be able to save them ? To save her ?

 _"Lexa..."_

The name escapes her lips, like a prayer.

The pressure that maintains her on the groud is lighter.

There are cries of surprises.

Then nothing.

 _"Clarke..."_

She looks up and sinks into her beautiful eyes.

She has her war paintings and weapons again.

 _"We have to go, Clarke."_

Lexa offers her hand.

Everything is possible now.

* * *

 **Next chapter will be the last one!**

 **Thank you all who reads and lives feedbacks :)**


	12. This is the end

This is the end

*'*

They are here.

Finally.

Clarke could cry. All these horrors have been useful, after all. They made it.

The heart of the City of Light.

The switch is at hand.

Her wet eyes meet Lexa's who is fully alert.

She knows something is approaching. Her hair are standing on end.

Clarke goes away from her a little. She is touching the switch with her fingertips. She shivers.

 _"Don't do this, Clarke. Everybody will die. Is that what you want ?"_

Alie is here, in the center of the room.

No animosity is coming from her. She is just there, in her red dress, ready to pleade for her cause. The reasons for this virtual world. Nuclear power station that are on the edge of explosion.

The City of Life is the last hope of humanity.

Alie's voice is flat.

But to Clarke and Lexa's ears, a glimmer of hope can be heard.

 _"Are you ready to sacrifice you own species, Clarke ?"_

The ounce of hesitation does not go unnoticed. Her speech is making some effect.

Clarke can feel her grip on the switch becoming weaker. Her thoughts waver until hands take hers.

Lexa is here. By her side. Smiling.

 _"I trust you, Clarke. Remember everything you have done to get here."_

Confidence rushes in Clarke.

She didn't sacrifice herself for nothing.

She looks one more time at Alie, her hand falling slowy.

 _"Everything is lost, then."_

Alie's voice is crackling and her image is blurry.

Fear seizes Clarke. She has lost her body but feeling her mind disappear is something she never thought living one day.

Her hands squeeze Lexa's.

She's still here. But she is less clear now.

Lexa leans to Clarke and kisses her.

This is the end.

 _"I wished I had more time with you."_

Clarke's voice is breaking, tears running down her cheeks.

 _"I'm happy I get to know you, Clarke. I don't ask for anything else. Dying with you is what I always wanted since I met you."_

A smile crosses Clarke's lips while everything is fading around them.

 _"Seeing you again is what gives me the strenght to keep going."_

Clarke tries to say something else but the words seem to be blocked in her throat

 _"I lo - "_

The sentence is interrupted.

The City of Light is gone.

* * *

 **So, this is the end! Hope you enjoyes this little story!**

 **From now on, I will not post anything new on this website. I wll be on AO3 if some people are interested :)**

 **Godd evening!**


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